Thursday, April 3, 2014

Sometimes it's the little things......

It's easy for me to get lost in my own world. The good and the bad. Yesterday I was reminded of the  blessings I'm lucky enough to be a part of.  I'm coming to the end of my second year as a Teacher's Aide and while I am ready for summer I am sad to have another year come to an end.  I'm fortunate to not only have a wonderful job and amazing co-workers, I also get to see glimpses of my own kids at school.  Central Wisconsin Christian has blessed my own life in so many ways.  Walking down the halls and connecting with students in simple ways like a smile and a hello, a quick little hug or a blurted out I love you from the cutest little ones, a high five or a tale of their latest adventures (something to me may seem simple but to them is the best thing EVER),  and deeper still the Bible stories told that are taught by the teacher to wide-eyed listeners, the devotion read in our teachers meetings that amazingly always seems to connect in some way to what's going on in my own life, the uplifting praise and worship during the whole school chapels. These little things.

In addition to my wonderful work community, I also am fortunate to be a part of our local GEMS group. Awesome ladies to work with that I have made great friendships with.  I feel like I'm still a newbie to this great group and when my daughter and I both joined I had no idea the beautiful changes it could bring to our lives. (I'll have to share more on the beautiful change it made in my own daughters life later)  Connecting to these girls and watching them grow in their relationships with Christ can leave me breathless.  I watched this group last night at our last meeting for the year and I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Watching them sing, dance, and have fun as they brought glory to their Lord and Savior was an inspiring sight.  These little things. 

It's these little things that can mean so much to me. These little things that wake me up to what's truly important. These little things that make me realize how simple life can be. I make it too hard, I make it more about me and less about HIM.  If I could live life through the eyes of a child how much simpler things would be.  Stare in wonder and amazement at the beauty of the works of an AWESOME GOD. Sing simply praises to him and let go of the worry and the pain.  As Ann VosKamp writes in her book One Thousand Gifts; "To fully live-to live full of grace and joy and all that is beauty eternal.  It is possible, wildly."  

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

There Has To Be Something Better

I'm somewhat at a loss about what I would like to share in this post.  I'm at a "weird" place in my life and have decided in an attempt to get past this "phase" in my life I need to write about it.  My hope is that I can share what I've gone through/am stilling going through,  try to connect, and maybe even help others who may be at a similar place in their life. I want to be honest and share the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Where we are now and not just the cleaned up version. It's easy to share the good things, the things that make me feel like the fun mom.  Let's be honest- I will be sharing those things as well, because they seldom happen lately and for two other reasons: 1. I need to celebrate the fact that it happened 2. I need documented proof so someday when my kids are grown up I can show them; "see mom really did fun stuff with you"! :) 

So diving right in......mess into my we go.....

Event that rocked my world turned my scatter-brained all over the place life into an even more scatter-brained, all over the place, crabby 99% of the day, depressed, over-eating, lazy, procrastinating mess!  Honest- it's not only scary but sad. Even my issues have issues!  If you're anything like me right now it's hard to get out of bed, it's hard to face the everyday mess staring me in the face. I'm unhappy, I feel irritated by everything, and I yell! My poor family gets the worst of me! About the only time I'm in a wonderful mood is when I'm at work, and thankfully I have an awesome job! Someone please sign me up for a wake up call, I need to get out of this funk!!  This is not the me I want to be, the wife my husband longs for, or the mom my kids deserve!  Years ago I may have been a mess, but I was a happier, fun mess! I'm not entirely ready to share every detail of what happened but what I can share is that I do believe there is still a greater plan that God has in store for my family and I. A plan that isn't perfect but a plan that brings glory to him.  I have to be honest with myself and realize this isn't going to be easy and it may hurt a little.....but I have to change this or I will end up looking back at my life with more regrets than joys and I do not want that! Here's to a life with more happiness!  More smiles, laughter, and just plain more fun!